No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
