dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
