Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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