Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
