So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize