the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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