Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i dont even know how to be here
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize