i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
