i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
