I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
