Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
