I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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