every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
