Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
