I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
