i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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