Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
