He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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