Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
