I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
