So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The air was thick with penises
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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