the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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