I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
