woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
