I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
