I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
