When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
