Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
