She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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