OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
