Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
