my vag is so smooth its legendary
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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