dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
