Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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