u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
