As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
