Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
