Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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