All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
