I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
