I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
