Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
