smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
