I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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