I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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