In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
