I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
