Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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