dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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