apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?