the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.