every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.