i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Wipe that smile off your face.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa