Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
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Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?