just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.