If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
