They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
