I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
