6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
