I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
