Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
