Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
