my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
