I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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