It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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