We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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