I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize