Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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