I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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