I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
